Reptiles in the rose garden
A nice break in amongst all the E3 buzz brings us to Episode 2 of The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3. This episode is called Reptiles in the Rose Garden. As ever Toadstool will be called Peach, Bowser/Koopa will be used interchangeably and Kootie Pie I will call Wendy
The episode opens with Bowser giving Wendy some presents but she’s not impressed. For her birthday she wants America. Bowser tries to reason as it’s in the real world however Wendy takes a mega huff.
We cut to our four heroes, Luigi is a bit overjoyed because when a party is thrown for a Koopaling they stayed “kooped up” for the day. Before he’s even finished saying that an airship appears and fires at them. Mario feels the need to point this out for us.Peach says she’ll stall them and doesn’t even attempt to do anything as Chain Chomps are thrown out and bite them all. Wendy likes to tell us that she will be empress of America. The Chain Chomps still have the heroes bitten as Koopa orders them to the dungeon. It should be noted that there is no chance of the Chain Chomps taking the four to the dungeon, just look how small they are:
Cut to the White House where the president is inside on a red phone that looks like 1960s Batman.
Koopa asks the sledge brothers to attack but they lift up the White House with a levitation beam. He gets the most top-heavy characters in the show to press a button a beam. Really?
All Koopa does is say that America is under control of Kootie Pie via a mega phone and they accept it. She makes three laws which are:
-Law Number One: Kids in America must give Wendy their toys.
-Law Number Two: Any handsome boy who does not ask Wendy for a date will be turned into a rock. At this point there’s a queue of stereotypical early 90s school kids (including black sports guy and ginger nerd). Bowser turns them into rocks.
-Law Number Three: All the gold in Fort Knox will be melted down to make a lifetime supply of charm bracelets for Wendy. This is done by the weird-looking Goombas on a machine with Bowsers face on the front. The charms have a skull, lizard, mace and the prince symbol. Koopa is so happy he cries and lead America in pledging an alleigance on the repulsiveness on which she stand.
Back to the dungeon (how did they get there) and they notice the president who is STILL on the phone and hasn’t noticed a thing. Peach does what only a princess could do best and sets two allies against each others as the boomerang brothers take on the fire brothers.
The heroes are still being bitten by the Chain Chomps and go in the cross fire as the chains are broken and they just jump down the warp pipe. Koopa uses his megaphone to tell the rest of the Koopalings they did it. They’re chuffed as it keeps her quiet. They decide to put the White House at the bottom of the mushroom sea. Then Mrs President (who looks like Babs Bush) cries for help, the president can’t swim.
Mario gets a frog suit and goes to save the day. It’s song time as Mario is chased by bloopers.
Babs asks If Mario’s from the secret service he says he’s from “the Super Mario Bros. plumbing service.” She’s fine with this. Mario saves the day by doing some plumbing and the president suddenly has glasses. Due to Mario’s plumbing the White House floats to the surface (don’t ask, I don’t know). Luigi appears and says that Koopa’s going to attack London, Paris and Brooklyn. The same Brooklyn that is in America. Is there a revolt? I flipping well hope so.
Mario and Luigi are disguised as Sledge brothers and are quickly found out. This bit is great as when the Sledge Brothers jump the whole ship shakes. Somehow Luigi fires a cannon at them and Mario pilots the ship.
Yes Mario somehow knows how to pilot the airship as he moves the White House on top of the Washington Memorial. He does eventually put it back in its rightful place (on top of Wendy) but then Wendy is fine stood on the lawn.
She’s no longer in charge and kicks off again as Mario sends her back. The Airship comes back through and the tail looks like the UK at the back. Wendy says its Bowsers fault.Bowser lays the smackdown and tells her to clean her room (it’s still her birthday good grief).He’s quite angry here, child line would not be impressed.
Best thing about the episode? Toad said nothing.