Feature: Project Cafe rumours

Oh yes I refused to get involved with these shenanigans on the rumours of the project cafe but then something happened.  The following was posted on my blog by an A.Nonymous “Hey Nintendo Lee, I may have some good information for you.  I’ll send it in the mail” that sounded rather intriguing.  Alas my front door knocked and there on the floor was an envelope, which was weird because A.Nonymous didn’t know where I lived and had just posted 1 second before hand.  I opened the envelope to find five pieces of paper.

What did the five pieces relate to?  Project Cafe, and five particular aspects of it.

5) The name

Cafe, Stream, Wii2 are all some names that are thrown around.  One of the confidential pieces of paper I received had these as well as Playstation4, Playstation 5 and Wii 3.

The back explained that a jump straight to Wii 3 would make gamers realise that this is a true jump in consoles and that it’s not twice as good as the current Wii but at least three times, Wii 3 would be pronounced Wii Cubed as a nod to the GC.

4) The console itself

The console looks like a hybrid of every Nintendo console ever.  It’s a case of a NES with cartridge slots for both NES and SNES at the front.  The SNES one also doubles as a N64 cartridge reader, on the top is a Gamecube disk holder and on the front below the cartridge ones is a disk reader for Wii games and Wii3 games.

3) Release date

Whilst mentioned in a joke by NGamer on twitter, little did they know that the release date would be right.

I was amazed when I saw the picture of the phonebox knowing that the Wii3 will come complete with a time machine, and because of that the console has been out for three years.  It was released in March 2008.  Astounding.

2) Price

For some reason this page wouldn’t photograph, but let me assure you despite rumours that the price will be $400 I can confirm that the console will actually just cost $3.50.  That’s tree fiddy, not three hundred and fifty dollars but three dollars and fifty cents.  This is possible due to the time machine which gets parts from the future where it’s so cheap to make something like that.

1) Controller

There are some controllers dotted around on the internet about what it will look like.  I can confirm that all of these are in fact a lie.  It will not come with one screen but in fact three.  The screen at the top will be a hologram based screen and there will be two at the sides, Nintendo have also opted not to go with the Classic controller or the GCN pad, instead it is going for an updated classic.

I feel lucky to reveal this to the internet.

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Posted on 22/04/2011, in Features, WiiU. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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